One Summer afternoon after a long day at work at the hospital, I went to pick up my four month old and two and half year old at my moms who had been caring for them. I was exhausted, stressed out about bills, my upcoming long shifts, cooking that evening, cleaning, laundry, and the Sunday School lesson I hadn’t even started studying yet for the class I taught on Sundays. I had just finished cooking dinner and was at the sink washing the dishes when my husband had just come home from work. I hear the garage door closing and his footsteps coming towards me. He comes to say hi, and I completely ignored him.
He steps back and looks at me and tells me the words till this day makes me shutter with anger, “I hate coming home to you, you are always pissed off, moody, always yelling at the kids, and I can never tell you anything because you get offended.” I was so close to reacting and just letting the tears out with anger, ready to yell and defend myself, but something inside me told me to stay quiet. Something about his words rung true to me and deep down I knew he was right, I wasn’t the woman he had married and I sure wasn’t happy.
After a few days of internalizing his feedback I was able to have greater clarity. I was a nurse working two per diem jobs as well as serving in my monthly National Guard drill weekends, always running around like crazy, serving everyone else but me. Then when I would come home, I would continue serving everyone else but me, with cleaning, breastfeeding, cooking, trying to give my husband the attention he needed but barely giving the left over pieces. I was always angry.
I had no idea that my signs of anger, anxiety, and stress were signs of my post partum depression that was still lingering even a few months after having my son.
So that Summer I made a big decision that was super risky, but also the one I knew I needed to make if I didn’t want to lose my marriage and family.
I decided to invest in my own health routines. I lost myself after having my second child. I lost myself with working long hours at work, working at a job with a very negative work environment, and staff that didn’t support my family goals. So I knew I needed to do something for me.
I started working out from home because that was the only time I had to work out while the baby slept in the afternoons. Everyday I would press play on my workout on the television, I lift my little 5 and 8lb weights, and would move my body. I started to watch what I was eating and started to cook healthier. I took time everyday to read, journal, and connect with other like-minded women. I repeated this everyday for three months.
When August 2014 hit, I had lost 40lbs, had so much energy, and left my full time job as a nurse to focus more on my family and children.
The decision to leave my full time job was a hard one being that I knew we would be making less money, but I also knew that I needed to reclaim my sanity again, and I needed to figure out how my mothering would like now in this new transition in my life. It was then when I realized that prioritizing myself was the formula for reclaiming my spark.
It’s been five years since that time in my life, I’ve had a third baby since then, I’ve started my own online health coaching business, and I’m now serving and empowering Working moms who are feeling the way I felt that year in 2014.
It was through my own personal experience that I realized that there must be more working moms like me out there, who just don’t know how to take care of themselves after having their kids and working full time. It’s a true juggling act that no one trains you for, but I hope to be that leader for women who are struggling, who have lost themselves, who feel like something just isn’t right, but they know they can feel better despite their circumstances.
This year I’m launching my brand new program called “Our Best Year Ever”. It is a proven 12 month program for working women with young children who are overstretched and overwhelmed. By learning new routines, habits and skills, women calm their chaos, transform their daily lives, and regain their personal energy and spark.
Developed by a working mom for working moms, the program combines online group sessions with one-on-one coaching. And unlike singular approaches to wellness, such as fitness training or meditation, Our Best Year Ever focuses on the whole woman incorporating organizational, emotional, physical and spiritual strategies and tactics.
Stay tuned for more details coming this Fall for mommas like us, who are just looking to figure out how to find their new normal as we navigate motherhood, career, marriage, and spirituality.